It is my position the battle of the sexes, we're both equally amazing and equally retarded. Yes. I used the R word. Because we are both slow to learn anything if we're being honest. We're also both to blame for a lot of things.
This claim that women are conniving and men are dogs is kinda ridiculous if you think about it. Because there are plenty of men who are conniving with a better hand of cards to play. These are the types of men who prey on a woman's emotional need for intimacy and financial stability with promises and lots of words that had no commitment or intentions behind them. Equally, there are a few women in the world who truly qualify as stereotypical b*tches using men for personal gain and stature. It goes both ways. Who's kidding who here?
This claim that women are conniving and men are dogs is kinda ridiculous if you think about it. Because there are plenty of men who are conniving with a better hand of cards to play. These are the types of men who prey on a woman's emotional need for intimacy and financial stability with promises and lots of words that had no commitment or intentions behind them. Equally, there are a few women in the world who truly qualify as stereotypical b*tches using men for personal gain and stature. It goes both ways. Who's kidding who here?
When you look at the crazy mothers
who raised sons to hate themselves because of their own broken heart and mix that up with a plethora of women who were raised in a home where men have taken advantage of their physical being and hurt their children and or spouses both physically and emotionally for personal pleasure, you have an upside-down world of people in pain....of people who don't understand what it means to truly trust someone. But, as the world turns and we seek love in our younger years, our vulnerability plays out and here we are seeking the very same thing that hurt us to begin with - love (or the absence of it).
who raised sons to hate themselves because of their own broken heart and mix that up with a plethora of women who were raised in a home where men have taken advantage of their physical being and hurt their children and or spouses both physically and emotionally for personal pleasure, you have an upside-down world of people in pain....of people who don't understand what it means to truly trust someone. But, as the world turns and we seek love in our younger years, our vulnerability plays out and here we are seeking the very same thing that hurt us to begin with - love (or the absence of it).
Growing up in an environment devoid of love, trust, or positive energy very rarely leads us into relationships that help us heal. In fact, it typically ends up in blunt force emotional trauma straight to the heart. Because broken hearts seem to attract the crazies, the insecure, and the hurting - even unintentionally.
Our energy and vibrations are so incredibly low when we are in pain sometimes we wear it out loud without being aware of it. We want so badly to feel something, anything at all, that we take what's in front of us ignoring every single warning sign because the fear of losing what we think we have is much worse than this idea of being alone. [In reality, it's not. But, it feels that way to the heartbroken.]
Our energy and vibrations are so incredibly low when we are in pain sometimes we wear it out loud without being aware of it. We want so badly to feel something, anything at all, that we take what's in front of us ignoring every single warning sign because the fear of losing what we think we have is much worse than this idea of being alone. [In reality, it's not. But, it feels that way to the heartbroken.]
We mask our pain and enter into denial. We call ourselves tough and rough on occasion and play a dangerous game of "don't get attached." Sometimes it works. More often it doesn't.
Men get involved with the wrong woman hoping she will esteem him and respect him. She feeds his ego for a little while after the woman who destroyed it. "Finally!" he thinks. He's finally found a woman who deserves space in his heart. She plays to his fantasies and can take him to places of sexual release he didn't even know he could go. This feels different. She has everything. His mother was so hot and cold. His father so judgmental (if he was even there). His last girlfriend was so nitty gritty. Now here he is. He went from Pauper to Prince in only a moments time all because he met - a girl. Suddenly he feels like the hero he knows he can be. Her mood swings are a normal part of life. He overlooks the crazy and goes with this idea of security. He has a sense of belonging, of power, of conviction, of control and belonging. He's not this useless being others (including exes) once depicted him as. As long as he has her to esteem him he's no longer a disappointment to himself or others anymore. But, that's the great lie. He never was a disappointment. And if he was, it wasn't his burden to bear.
Men get involved with the wrong woman hoping she will esteem him and respect him. She feeds his ego for a little while after the woman who destroyed it. "Finally!" he thinks. He's finally found a woman who deserves space in his heart. She plays to his fantasies and can take him to places of sexual release he didn't even know he could go. This feels different. She has everything. His mother was so hot and cold. His father so judgmental (if he was even there). His last girlfriend was so nitty gritty. Now here he is. He went from Pauper to Prince in only a moments time all because he met - a girl. Suddenly he feels like the hero he knows he can be. Her mood swings are a normal part of life. He overlooks the crazy and goes with this idea of security. He has a sense of belonging, of power, of conviction, of control and belonging. He's not this useless being others (including exes) once depicted him as. As long as he has her to esteem him he's no longer a disappointment to himself or others anymore. But, that's the great lie. He never was a disappointment. And if he was, it wasn't his burden to bear.
It's not up to someone else, not even a parent to tell someone who to be. Love got lost somewhere along the way. Worse, the unending pain, numbness, or void a man growing up this way has gets transferred over to a new relationship where feelings start intensely filling the void but, are shortly followed up by the same numbing, never good enough, and fleeting feelings that come from being in love with the wrong girl. Then the same happens in reverse.
She grows up in a narcissistic world believing she has to be the prettiest, the achieviest, the sexually pleasiest if she's going to win the affections of a secure man. Secretly, she just wants to be loved. Her mother always depicted men to be useless (or perhaps that she was useless). Maybe she was a daddy's girl craving attention and affection but, he was no longer there. Or perhaps her father made her nothing more than a useless sex-object (if he was even there at all). She gets involved with the wrong men because she just wants to be loved for a little while. At least until she finds herself. She is tired of being alone. He feeds her ego for a little while. Finally, a man who can take care of her, provide for her, and wants something more than just sex with her (or so it seems). He plays his game of emotional intimacy and speaks to her in terms of forever. Every hormone she has plays to his strum. He physically and sexually somehow is able to take over her soul. This is different. He fills her with compliments, makes her laugh, is full of adventure, and it seems like she can breath and doesn't have to try so hard. Naturally she will fall into his arms. But, he's the wrong man. Because of course this man is particularly good at emotional intimacy (or faking it). Of course he knows how to sexually take care of her. Of course he pays attention to her - at least long enough to get her to stay. After years of being devoid of the love she needs surrounded by people who didn't pay much attention or care about who she is, this seemed a welcome change of pace. She feels security, belonging, and is getting her needs met - at least for a little while.
Heartbreak repeats. Who's to blame?
See, we don't go back far enough in our history or memories because we don't want to see the ugly truth - our pain started long before the girl or boy who broke our heart. Our pain started with our insecurities. Our issues started with whatever f*ed up relationship we had (or didn't have) with our parents. Our pain started by believing we had enough love to give to the wrong person. All the love in the world should not suffocate your own soul. Love does not beg you to be who someone else needs them to be. Love only asks you be YOU. But, instead we bend and mold and fix our eyes on being responsible for another person's happiness. Or perhaps we change ourselves to fit what someone else needs. Then we toss in the towel, call it quits and blame it on the battle of the sexes.
So, we close off, we get our fix, we keep moving and we blame the girl... we blame the boy... we blame love... we try again starting by sharing our stories of woe.... and history repeats...
Enough is enough. Every experience leads us to the next one. What's it all worth? Well, for starters it's worth a little bit of Ben & Jerry's with a favorite romantic comedy on Netflix. And for the guy it's worth a few pints of beer with the pretty blonde at the end of the bar. That's just how it goes.
In the battle of the sexes men and women handle heartbreak differently. True story. We also go through stages, phases, and cycles. But, I decided to reinvent the game. To be the devil in goddess attire and play by man's rules.
I wasn't truly looking for love when this adventure started (even though I thought I was). I was searching to find myself. We all are. I found it much more rewarding, extremely liberating, and I suppose you could say I picked up every broken piece of my shattered heart one man (and bedroom) at a time.
I wasn't truly looking for love when this adventure started (even though I thought I was). I was searching to find myself. We all are. I found it much more rewarding, extremely liberating, and I suppose you could say I picked up every broken piece of my shattered heart one man (and bedroom) at a time.
Who is anyone to judge? This is a new millennium and I'm evening the score. All is fair in love and war. So, I waged war within my being to battle the truth that lies in my soul verses the facade of what my mind tells me about who I am. What is it I truly believe about who I am or where I've been? Am I the doting wife? A playgirl? The mistress? A family chick? A loving mother? A party girl? A dreamer? A doer? An entrepreneur? A visionary? A Success? A failure? Who am I when I'm not thinking about who I should be.
Life isn't over.
In fact, it's just beginning. -I*V
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