A 6-pack & Magnums

I'm not sure a 6-pack and Magnums go together... unless you're a guy...

Why?  Mostly because the Magnums I'm talking about are the most sensational delectable triple chocolate layered ice cream bars ever made that causes every taste bud in your mouth to explode one by one.  It's orgasmic really.  I'd even go so far as to say, it's an orgasm for your mouth.  With that in mind, I can't decide if I want to be intoxicated and let go or be immersed in chick flicks. Can a girl have both?  The answer is 'yes' however, I've never heard of a Yuengling float although I'm tempted to try it right about now.

Opposites attract and my own impatience is beginning to frustrate me.  Why is sitting and waiting so hard.  How hard is it to breathe in and breathe out and just be?  For me...it's right up there with climbing Mount Olympus, running in a 5k, or more like asking a 5 year old on Christmas morning to sit and stare at the presents under the tree without unwrapping them... indefinitely.

Operation: Alternate Ending is now on ending two;

Remembering to Break & Breath & Press Reset

There's something about being in love or caught up in someone else. The rush, the adrenaline. Love truly is blind. I think when you go from being so low to so incredibly high, it makes it more difficult to step outside yourself and find balance. I was larger than life when I was high in thoughts of Blue..


What did I really want from him anyway?  Blue is everything in the business world I ever thought I'd be and never became.. I resent that.  I resent seeing people so successful after I ended up giving my life, my youth, and what should have been foundational years for ladder climbing to someone less deserving... to my real-life ex-husband.

Why does it feel like I was larger than life when I was married to an abusive man?  A man that made me ask for tampons and told me "no."  A man that told me things were impossible and somehow, my prayers and my pleas to God always came through.

How was I so powerful and strong then in my faith and in my being and in everything I knew to be true but yet, I was living the greatest lie of being in a loving marriage?  Of loving myself.  Of loving God.

.... Now I am here. Knocked from my throne. Now that the challenge and threat and pressure isn't on me, I don't feel the drive I once had. Do I need the abuse to keep going? Because right now I just want to fall asleep? I don't feel that insane go-go-go crisis management mode I was stuck in for years.

I admit