In the beginning there was man....

In the beginning there was man....and wife
             ....and then they got divorced!

I'd love to say this is an original story however, having an ex-husband is hardly a new story. In fact, 1 out of 3 women experience what I've been through and the type of man I divorced. Which means the story should be an instant replay of some grandma sitting around in her undies in a her nudist colony nursing home who's been through everything there is to go through when it comes to relationships that suck.

Despite the odds, even though women and men are cheated on, have their hearts broken, get divorced or otherwise find themselves in predicaments that are harder to get out of than it was to get into, it's how we deal with our pain, our frustration, and our turmoil that makes the difference in who we are and who we ultimately become. Who our children become comes down to if we got our children out of hell sooner than later when it comes to ending relationships with authoritarian spouses who control everything from bank accounts to which groceries can go in the shopping cart. Furthermore, what matters most is if we got ourselves okay enough along the way to be able to help our children heal their broken hearts too.

When it comes to the story of my life and this utopian dream of forever, the idea was crushed by blow after blow between infidelity, financial woes, ego trips, parenting issues, and the same ol song and dance of a man and his need to control.

Interestingly enough, over the years I've found men are just as prone to
manipulative and conniving women more interested in shoes and a mirror to admire themselves in than they are their children. But, in the story of me, I was the wife who did without, sacrificed, and went to bat for love to honor and protected her marriage. Things happen.

The aftermath of love lost is always a sticky situation. It's a road filled with who you love next, who you hurt along the way (or get hurt by next), and is riddled with all the games we play with one another. Sometimes we are fighting with ourselves and others to maintain control of our emotions and relationships outcomes. Other times we are working tirelessly to keep our emotions in check. Most often we're simply looking for a way to fulfill our sexual needs without creating bonds so we don't get hurt - again. However, usually, someone gets hurt. It's just how it goes.

All if fair in love and war. And it's only fair simply because the score will never be even. Hearts will continuously break. There is no such thing as happily-ever-after divorce unless one of you gets hit by a train. If that were to happen, hopefully there's a life insurance policy to cover the live in chef, maid, and nanny to fill in the gaps of the absent parent role. Who am I kidding? That's what grandma's are for because some men just don't help out until they realize they're still going to have to pay child support.

When it comes to court, the perfect doting stay-at-home mom suddenly becomes a mentally ill incapable being. I'm not sure how the people who never stepped up to the parenting plate to go to bat find themselves with endless 'get-out-of-jail-free' cards but I assure you, there is much more headache than a trite game of monopoly when it comes to the judicial system and the judgement against parents when it comes to their kids.

I feel for men who've been in the same predicament. It took me a while to eat their stories and believe them but, it did happen where my once jagged-heart came to reconcile that there are one or few good men out there. However, the rest are endless piles of 'throwbacks'. You know... fishing for sport... or in this case sex, emotional fulfillment for a hot minute, or breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Take your pick.

I never said I was innocent. I said I was heartbroken. There's a difference. And if you're heartbroken, the worst thing you can do is marry the first person you sleep with after you get dumped. Trust me.
The ex-husbands who have traveled this road (mine included) thinking some girl is hotter, better, younger, simply a better version of you couldn't see past the end of their own nose. They end up worse off than they bargained for. Karma. It may take years but when truth starts to shine their worlds begin to crumble and you are already on your way to happily-ever-after-divorce and getting everything you ever wanted.

But first, you and I must travel the roads and stages of misery and heartbreak and turmoil together.

Because before you get sexy moxy and come up swinging, you have to get ugly, real ugly, and figure out who you really are when the gloves come off and there's no one left to swing at but a mirror and your own reflection.

- I*V

InvincibleVictoria.com

The opening chapter of
Sex.Men.Shoes. & God (and the children in between)
   by Invincible Victoria