There's something about being in love or caught up in someone else. The rush, the adrenaline. Love truly is blind. I think when you go from being so low to so incredibly high, it makes it more difficult to step outside yourself and find
balance. I was larger than life when I was high in thoughts of Blue..
What did I really want from him anyway? Blue is everything in the business world I ever thought I'd be and never became.. I resent that. I resent seeing people so successful after I ended up giving my life, my youth, and what should have been foundational years for ladder climbing to someone less deserving... to my real-life ex-husband.
Why does it feel like I was larger than life when I was married to an abusive man? A man that made me ask for tampons and told me "no." A man that told me things were impossible and somehow, my prayers and my pleas to God always came through.
How was I so powerful and strong then in my faith and in my being and in everything I knew to be true but yet, I was living the greatest lie of being in a loving marriage? Of loving myself. Of loving God.
.... Now I am here. Knocked from my throne. Now that the challenge and threat and pressure isn't on me, I don't feel the drive I once had. Do I need the abuse to keep going? Because right now I just want to fall asleep? I don't feel that insane go-go-go crisis management mode I was stuck in for years.
I admit